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WHAT’S THIS BOOK ABOUT?

You ever see someone make a choice so catastrophically dumb that the only logical reaction is to sit back, grab some popcorn, and watch the train wreck unfold in real time? A decision so absurdly stupid that even your guardian angel had to step outside for a smoke break?

Welcome to my life.

There’s an old saying: “If you want to make God laugh, make plans.”

If that’s true, then the Almighty must have been in full-blown cardiac arrest from laughter every time I tried to navigate existence.

This book is a first-class ticket to the glorious disaster zone that is my past. A highlight reel of bad decisions, impossible situations, and the kind of WTF moments that make you question how I’m still breathing. And here’s the kicker—every single story is true. Tragically. Hysterically. Regrettably. True.

Nothing is exaggerated, nothing is sugarcoated, and the only fiction here is the fake names I gave to the people who are probably still looking for me.

Now, before you get any ideas—this is not a self-help book. You will not find wisdom, enlightenment, or a roadmap to success within these pages. There is no moral lesson here. No “life hacks.” No inspiring, heartfelt realisations about how I learned and grew from my experiences. I did not. If anything, this book is proof that sometimes the universe just hands out second chances like participation trophies.

What’s inside? A chaotic cocktail of disasters, shaken, stirred, and served with a flaming garnish:
— Adventures that should have ended with ‘Local Idiot Missing, Presumed Eaten’

— Government officials who deeply regret meeting me
— Criminally bad business ideas that, somehow, actually worked ( well, most did not )

— Near-death experiences featuring wild animals, rogue vehicles, and armed lunatics.
— And of course, my signature move: making a bad situation worse with sheer enthusiasm

You may ask: “But surely you had some kind of safety net?” Oh, absolutely. It was called blind, unwavering faith. I have always believed in something greater—call it God, fate, destiny, or just a particularly entertained celestial audience—that somehow kept me from being obliterated by my own decisions.

And here’s the thing about faith:
It doesn’t stop you from making bad choices. It just makes sure you survive long enough to make worse ones.

But if there’s one truth I’ve learned, it’s this: Be careful what you wish for. Because sometimes, getting exactly what you want is indistinguishable from a karmic slap to the face.

So, buckle up.
Keep your hands and feet inside the ride at all times.
And whatever you do—don’t try this at home.

FOR WHOM IS THIS BOOK?

This book is for the unhinged. The derailed. The people who see a "DO NOT ENTER" sign and think, Well, now I have to find out why.

It’s for the glorious idiots who believe GPS is just a suggestion, who have woken up in the wrong country at least once, who view "trespassing" as more of a negotiable concept than a firm rule.

It’s for anyone who has ever:
— Laughed in the face of danger, then immediately regretted it.
— Made a decision so catastrophically stupid that even their guardian angel resigned.
— Told themselves, "This is fine." while everything around them was very much not fine.
— Been personally victimised by bureaucracy, gravity, or an overconfident belief in their own survival skills.

This book is not for people who like their stories "wholesome," their humour "light," or their life "predictable." It’s not for those who think "living on the edge" means ordering sushi from a gas station. It’s certainly not for anyone who reads motivational self-help books and actually follows the advice.

This book is for the feral adventurers. The professional disaster magnets. The ones who believe life should be measured in how many times you’ve nearly died, not how many LinkedIn endorsements you’ve collected.

It’s for people who don’t want to hear about someone’s "soul-searching trip to Bali." No. You want the real stories. The ones where things explode, people get deported, and the phrase "How bad could it be?" is immediately followed by sirens.

It’s for those who understand that chaos makes the best memories, and that if your obituary doesn’t sound like the plot of a Nicolas Cage movie, you’ve done something terribly wrong.

So, if you’ve ever found yourself thinking, "You know, maybe I should make some worse decisions," congratulations.

This book is for you.